Season of Destiny - Part 1

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With ladies retreat in the back of my mind, I am going to share some "pre" retreat stuff that God has/had been working in my heart and then follow up in other posts with more stuff - otherwise, I might

a) never get a post on about anything of substance due to the intimidating size of the post

b) have one of the longest posts imaginable

c) lose you somewhere after the first 2 sentences, because it can be difficult to connect the dots at times in my mind

So, with that said, I'll start with a few weeks ago, or maybe a month or so now...time flies so quickly at times, we had a guest speaker at our church who has a strong gift in the prophetic. Rick and I took turns attending the meetings at church that weekend (someone had to stay home with the kids, right? :). I was able to attend one of the smaller evening sessions and he shared a lot about what God has been doing in the church planting that is going on with his ministry. After his time of sharing he spoke over a few at the meeting, me included. My initial reaction to him speaking to me was {hushed internal whisper: "Umm....are you sure you are talking to me? You do realize that one of the PASTORS is sitting right behind me. Don't be fooled by his jeans. It's just me."} and then after the meeting - "How does that apply to me?" I don't know if you've ever been in a place where others have been given prophetic words, but generally I'm thinking "Wow! that is SO right on for them."

The word that was given to me had to do with dreams.

"Don't be intimidated. Don't be scared of the dream God has put in your heart. You have seen glimpses - ask how? God wants to do things so big, radical, beyond you, so the HE gets the credit! Don't be afraid to dream. God designed you to be a dreamer. He has a process you are working through - in the end, will work through circumstances."

I left the meeting not sure what was going on in my mind, not able to put my finger on things and spent time talking to my husband about it and several other friends. Time crying. Time searching. I wasn't quite sure what to make of things. The main reason being I feel that since becoming a mom my dreams, my desires, my goals have been pushed aside. Every now and then I might have a flash of things, but it seems to quickly fade amid the mopping up of spilled juice, wiping of a little mouth, sweeping, laundry, picking up....I think you get the idea - and I don't think I am alone in this, either. I feel at times that I've lost me, even though I know I have slowly been evolving (I hate that word, but my brain is mushy right now) into a different stage of my life. And how do I "mesh" this stage along with - well, that's part of the dilemma. I'm not sure where I should be.

Fast forward a few weeks and I've been still searching, trying to sort some things out and I am reading an article by Jill Austin called "Your Season of Destiny" from Spirit Led Woman (Oct/Nov 2007 issue). I'm just going to put in some of the quotes that really struck me.

"The enemy sees your potential. Your dreams are dangerous to him. He know that your life has God-ordained destiny. If you embrace God's full purposes for your life, you will be a powerful weapon to defeat Satan and bring freedom to many....We learn to value comfort and security, but what we call security is really insecurity and mediocrity. God wants us to take risks, to know the thrill and exhilaration of dreaming big...Every place our hands and feet go, we bring the Lord Jesus Christ and the power of His resurrection...This is your season to allow Him to awaken His dreams for your life. God's dreams for you are much bigger than your dreams could ever be. Our whole way of thinking has to change because we think too small."

This article made me do a little research and I found out that Jill Austin also has a book called "Dancing with Destiny" - so I ordered it - and it came after I left for ladies retreat. Which was really ok, because I was continuing to sort some things within and then everything at Ladies retreat was going to build on the things I was mulling.

While I hadn't necessarily come to any conclusions or wrapped things up nice and tidy in my mind, I did feel God impressing some things on my heart in general. I feel like I am missing out on so much with my kids. I stayed home to instill things in them that they would be missing if they went to school. Every day, I feel like I come up short on so many different levels: time, energy, and mostly - fun. I want more laughter in our house. More giggles. For learning to be fun. And for our kids just to thrive. They aren't obscenely lacking...but I want MORE. Does that make sense? Going into the weekend of retreat I had been pondering a lot of this and been seriously looking at the curriculum we were using and also how it tied into so many other levels. My schedule, my routine, my expectations. And I just felt like I needed to "lighten up" on many of those levels. Not be so tied to a "time-frame". Not be so rigid in others.

I truly feel that God has been impressing on me to relax on so many different levels. But there is a part of me that thinks - not possible! Won't happen. Can't do it. I can't do it. That little inner voice that sooooo needs to be silenced. I'm being called to embrace things that God has for me. To throw off the mediocrity in my life. Start dreaming.

(to be continued... :)